How to Survive Grandparents, Or, When Strict Parents Turn into Pussycats!

How to survive (your kids’) grandparents!

Remember that person who nagged you for a whole week to tidy your room until you just gave in and ended up doing it? Do you recall anyone in your childhood who did not let a fizzy drink so much as pass in front of your face?

Peas. When you were little, were there just more good reasons to eat peas than there are now? no, there weren’t.
So, who are these strange people, who look just like your Mum and Dad and sound just like Mum and Dad? But when your child says at five to six in the evening “Can I have a packet of crisps?!?!?” head straight to the snack cupboard and bring out bags of crisps?

Where do the endless supplies of sweets now come from? You were lucky to get a quarter of a Mars bar a week back in the eighties, but now you see your lovely little babies, wandering around with handfuls of chocolates they have just been given by Gampa.

There is only one way to survive this. It is completely to admit defeat. You are completely outflanked on either side by a generation and you’re outnumbered too. Give in. They always side with each other anyway.

Sarcastic comments will not help. The little ones won’t get your dry little witticisms and the oldies will just look so hurt and  wounded that you will feel guilty.

Shouting won’t help. Did you ever shout at your own parent as an adult? Yes, that is right, you start off all high and mighty, but by the end of it you feel two years old.

No, the only thing to do is to do nothing. You have to be the person who says ‘No crisps before dinner.’ and ‘Eat up all your greens.’ Even when four pairs of eyes turn to you as if to say ‘Aw, they’re only little, let them leave them just this once.’

Oooh, just wait. Only another twenty or thrity years to go and then it can be your turn!

 

How to Survive Debt

All debt is relative.

A debt of ten pounds for someone who earns nothing is a bad debt. Just as a debt of twenty thousand is for someone on a thousand a month. So, the size of the debt is not the issue here. After all, a million pound mortgage on a house worth two million could be absolutely fine for some.

Debt is built up in two ways. There is the initial spend which causes a person to go into debt in the first place. Then there is the compound accumulation of interest and fees which are associated with this debt which help it to build up and up and up.

I am not sure how many of us are equipped to understand the complex calculations done by the banks when they work out just how much money we owe them. In very simple terms, in case someone does not know, debt can be compounded as follows.

If you owe someone £100 at 5% interest a month, then at the end of the first month, you owe them £105.
At the end of the second month, if you haven’t paid anything back, you owe them  £110.25, which is 5% of £105 added on, and so on. So, at the end of ten months, if you have not repaid anything, you owe them a grand total of £162.89p.

This is a wonderful device for all the banks to get us to pay back much more than we borrow. But it is that important percentage that is so important. If we paid back 6% interest instead of 5%, then we would owe £179.08p, over £16 more!

These are the basics to be aware of when initially borrowing the money. Compounding that debt is not going to do you any favours. The shorter the term and the lower the rate, the better. So it is a wise decision to never pick up the phone and call one of the new companies which offer short term debt at 1000% interest.

They are there, the adverts are cropping up. All they need is a million punters overpaying a few hundred pounds a month.

And it goes without saying to never, ever go to a loan shark. Or else, just chopping off an arm or a leg and handing it over to them first would be much better.

So, being in debt is actually fine, good debt is the way that smooths the wheels of industry – or something. But then the letters start coming through the door. Debt attracts more debt it seems.

Your lender will slowly inch up your credit limit if you are a good customer. They will offer a good short term rate to get you started, and then when you have built up enough of a loan with them, they will hit you with the full interest rate.

Other lenders will jump on the band wagon. More letters will arrive offering you more credit cards, store cards, loans for a car, holiday, doing up your house.

There are two facts to note here:

Buying things using a card is way easier than using actual money.  Firstly, it never seems to feel like real money. You just hand over the card and enter the pin number and it is all very clinical and painless. There is no counting out the small change and handing over the notes. It no longer matters whether you have the right change with you at all, you can pay for any amount of purchase – just use your card!

The second thing to note is that a lot of little amounts can build up to an extremely large total. Imagine five purchases of just under twenty pounds. It will not feel like you have just spent a hundred pounds, but that is what it means. Over a week of small purchases, it can add up to many hundreds of pounds.

So How do you Survive Debt?

The aim of someone who is in debt must be to get out of debt as quickly as possible. As painful as it will be, first of all, find out, or work out exactly how much debt you are in. Although you have kept a running total of your spending in your head, the actual figure may be very surprising. It could be thousands of pounds out when interest fees (compounded), late payment fees, overdraft facility fees, paper bill charges (yes, they do charge to send you paper statements) and manager’s lunch  (car, second house in Spain) fees are added onto the top.

Work out how much you owe.

Next, sit down and work out income versus expenditure. This is quite easy these days, with online banking and downloadable statements. You can easily what is going out, where and how and what it coming in.

As Charles Dickens said: “Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure nineteen nineteen six, result happiness. Annual income twenty pounds, annual expenditure twenty pounds ought and six, result misery.”

Cut down where you can.

Plan to overpay as much as you can within the terms of your borrowing. Some lenders protect the repayments they expect to receive by putting a limit on how much you can pay back.

See if you can earn more money. Can you let out a spare room? sell anything online? Offer tuition for a skill you have? Piano? Good head for numbers?

If you are in difficulties let your lenders know as quickly as possible. They are mean, they are callous, but they will try to protect their investment. If you can convince them to agree better terms, and still pay, then they might agree.

Aim to pay off your most expensive debt first. Take it slowly, one step at a time. Don’t hide, act now! 

 

How to Survive: Old Ginger

Old Ginger is not the name of some fierce, one-eyed feline who scours the neighbourhood looking for a fight.

In How to Survive Old Ginger, I mean ginger, that is old. Normally, when you buy ginger from the supermarket or green grocer’s it is fresh, plump and juicy. But, there are times when you have no choice but to buy what’s there.

When you come home, you discover that it has gone very stringy inside. This is horrible.
It does not cut properly and when you cook it, you can still taste stringy ginger in your food. This is not good.

If it is not too fibrous and still a bit juicy, then this ginger can be cut along the fibres into very thin strips. These can be used in the cooking. By avoiding any cuts against the grain, the fibres and soften together while cooking.

Also, it can be grated in. The cheese grater does not mind cutting through old ginger and it is easy enough to do it.

But if it is too hard to cope with, then there is another way to use it:

Grow it! 

 You are not going to be able to eat it and you will have to go out and buy some more anyway, so while you are out, get some rich compost.

Ginger likes very rich, well-draining soil. It is a native of hot countries, so unless you live in one of these, your ginger will need to be grown indoors.

First though, soak your ginger in a little warm water overnight. This way, it can become ready for growing more easily.

The next day, find the buds and put the root with the buds facing upwards.

Plant this a couple of inches deep into a container full of the rich compost. Keep it well watered and warm in a shady position.

Do you want to end up with a ginger plant? If you look at it again after a week, you will see new rhizomes beginning to sprout out. These can be washed and used as fresh ginger. The rest of the root can be placed back into the container.

Otherwise, leave it alone until it has sprouted and started growing. Keep it dry in the winter time when it is not growing as much.

This is a great way to go from an un-useable fibrous lump of dry ginger into a beautiful, scented plant.

 

How to Survive: Crumbs

Albert Einstein was obviously a genius. In his book, ‘Relativity’, published in 1952, he writes:

“Since there exists in this four dimensional structure [space-time] no longer any sections which represent “now” objectively, the concepts of happening and becoming are indeed not completely suspended, but yet complicated. It appears therefore more natural to think of physical reality as a four dimensional existence, instead of, as hitherto, the evolution of a three dimensional existence.”

In other words, he believed that the past, present and the future may not exist as a continuously flowing entity, but could all be an illusion to us because we are observing them! Albert Einstein rejected the concept of time as an absolute!

Which brings us very nicely to crumbs. These can be toast crumbs or biscuit crumbs – any crumbs.

There is a very different amount of time between these two fixed points:

Point A: You sit in front of your parent – either one is fine, but most probably your mother – while you both eat toast. You notice that there are parts of their body – the middle parts – which get covered in toast crumbs as they eat! You look down at yourself: Your body only goes straight up and down and your crumbs have fallen all over your plate, or the floor.

Point B: Your child is sitting in front of you while you both eat toast, or biscuits, or whatever. There is a certain fascinated look on your child’s face as they watch you eating. You look down and your middle is covered in crumbs!

The time between Point A and Point B is a huge, gaping divide. It will probably never happen!

But

The time between Point B and Point A is just the blink of an eye! Use it wisely.

 

 

How to Survive Being the Most Common Visitor

If you are writing a blog and have installed something like ‘Feedjit’ in your sidebar, then this is great! You can see people who visit your site. You can have the absolute thrill of seeing it say: A visitor from West Palm Beach, Florida arrived from linkreferral.com and viewed “How to Survive” 5 seconds ago.
Which means that they are here, now! actually viewing your blog!! (Yikes!)

But what, do you do when it says for day after day: A visitor from Didcot arrived?
Now you know that there are not actually that many people in Didcot who could make a conscious decision each day to search for a blog about everday life and how to survive it. 29 people do not wake up in the morning and say, “Oh No! only 2 eggs for breakfast! But there are 3 of us, what shall I do?? I know, I’ll search the internet and look for a blog about it!”

This is not really happening. It is you isn’t it? You are visiting your own blog everyday to see who else has been here aren’t you?

So, how do you survive this?
*You could remove the Feedjit sidebar – But it is so much fun and you can click on it to see a little map of the visitors and everything.

*You could remove your own visits from it, Feedjit lets you do that – But that is only for the stats, your visits still get displayed in the sidebar.

*You could visit less, or advertise more so that more visitors come to see your blog.

*Or you could just live with it. When change happens, then embrace it, but for now: accept it and put up some cute pictures of kittens:

 

How to Survive an English Roundabout

Roundabouts can be so confusing. There can be many different lanes and if you get it wrong, there is the danger that the other drivers will beep you, or worse! The way to survive an English roundabout is to be clear about which lane you should be in and to stay in your lane. If you miss your turn, then do not worry, you can always go all the way round and get off at your exit. There are usually signs well before you get to the roundabout to tell you which lane to be in and the names or numbers of the roads to tell you where to go. A Blue sign tells you that there is a roundabout approaching.

Then later on, more signs tell you which roads lead off the roundabout at the different exits. In general, it is quite straightforward if you follow the rules.

• Drive on the Left in England
• Go around it in a clockwise direction.
• Stay in your lane until you come to your exit.
• The left hand lane is usually for turning left or going straight ahead.
• The right hand lane is usually for turning right, unless it is also for going straight ahead.
• If there are three approach lanes, then the middle one is definitely for going straight ahead.
• Cyclists decide where they should be positioned according to where they are going. Each cyclist is unique and must be watched carefully. 
• Give way to traffic coming from the right. 
• The rule is: Do not enter the roundabout unless your exit is clear. Many people do not understand this. 
• Once someone is already on the roundabout, then it is their right of way. There is no point beeping them.
• If you are half way round and your exit is blocked, then it is polite to leave a gap so that cars coming from the left lane can go round. Again, many people ignore this and leave no gap. They have to sit there, blocking the lane and getting glared at by drivers in that lane.
•   If you miss your exit, then simply go around the whole roundabout again until you see the correct exit. 

If there are many exits and a lot of lane markings, work out which one yours is and stick to that lane.

• There may be traffic lights any where around the roundabout.

 

Short Survival Tips #1

• Never try to make white sauce using custard powder
• Pouring Orange Squash into Chicken Curry does not result in Duck a l’Orange
• Half a teaspoon of English Mustard is enough to blow the roof of your mouth off

 

The Epitome of How to Survive: If by Rudyard Kipling

Many people are familiar with this poem by Rudyard Kipling and I think, once read, much of it stays with you for a long time.Each part of it has a resonance with some stage of most people’s lives. Which part do you most identify with and why?

Rudyard Kipling 1865 – 1936

If by Rudyard Kipling:

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools: 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
‘ Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!

To read more inspiring articles based around this poem, please visit All Things If

 

How to Survive Bullying: 1

If you are the one doing the bullying:

Then grow up and get a life and stop picking on those that you think are weaker and more vulnerable than you. If someone is being bullied by you, do you know how much courage it takes to keep showing up everyday? To keep coming back home, or back to school, or back to work?

No, it is not very likely that you do, because hiding behind that stupid, tough exterior is a stupid, weak person. They have more courage and strength in their little finger than the whole of you. If someone started to bully you the way you bully others, then you would not last for one second – and you know it. That’s why you do it. Because you are scared and weak and afraid.

Stop it now before it all gets out of hand.

 

How to Survive Only 2 Eggs, But 3 People for Breakfast?!

This is a terrible dilemma. What do you do?

Do you ask each person whether they would like eggs, while secretly hoping that one person will say ‘No’?
Do you give the guests the eggs and go without yourself?
Do you pull one person aside and ask them if they would like to have an egg and make the other one go without?

Its hard isn’t it?

Well, no…

Why don’t you… (drum roll)… Make Pancakes!

Take you two eggs, add about 6oz of flour and half a pint of milk. (I always add a couple of tbsp of sugar too, but traditionalists would throw their hands up at this).

Whizz all the ingredients in a food mixer. If the batter is a bit thick, add a bit more water, if it is very runny, then add a bit of flour.

Heat a tsp of oil in a frying pan and pour in a little of the batter. If you want them all the same size, put a couple of tbsp of the batter into the pan.

Swirl it round to make a thin pancake. After a couple of minutes, turn it over and cook for a couple of mins.

If there is no food processer

Sift the flour into a bowl, add the egg to make a thick paste then add the milk a little at a time. This will make sure there are no lumps.

They are very filling and this will be more than enough for three people.